The older I get the more I am confronted with loss of family and friends. Life is never the same after we lose someone close to us. Death is such an emotional and trying time and something that we must learn to deal with for the rest of our lives. I wanted to focus this article on the many acts of service I have seen others do as they help friends and family cope with the death of a loved one.
1) Go—Just drop everything and go to them. You don’t need to bring treats or flowers (while those are both nice), just bring a hug and a listening ear. Death is always hard, but it can be especially difficult if navigating it by yourself. Let the person talk, hug, cry or whatever they need to get their feelings out. They need a good friend who is willing to listen, because most of the time they need to talk about the person they just lost. It is acceptable to sit in silence.
2) Stay in touch—even if it is a phone call or text. This will help them know you are concerned and willing to help them. They are going to need friends as the weeks and months go on. There will be many opportunities to serve, you will find many of them as you stay in touch. Usually, they have plenty of support the first couple of weeks, but people start getting back to their own lives and forget how much the survivor is suffering. The hardest times will be holidays, birthdays, and the date the person died.
3) Food—When my grandpa passed away, I remember my grandmother telling me that a dear friend brought her over a meat, cheese and veggie tray, rolls, and a huge plate of cookies. It really touched my grandmother even though she didn’t know how she was going to use it all, but then all over her kids spent many hours over there and she was extremely grateful to have food to be able to feed them. I also heard of another lady who came home after a long day at the funeral parlor to a pot of soup and a loaf of bread. She also was grateful to be able to feed those who were helping her. Food is always good for the soul.
4) Flower or Plant—When my father-in-law passed away, my husband's company sent him a plant. It was such a nice gesture from the people he worked with, and we still have that plant to remind us of the amazing people my husband works with and my husband’s father.
5) Card—I wasn’t too sure about this idea at first, but again when my husband’s father passed away, I had several friends send me a card. I was truly touched that they would spend the time to write something nice to us and then spend the time it takes to mail the card. People don’t send as many letters these days. Sending a card is a real personal way to show your love and kindness.
6) An invitation—invite the person to do something. Invite them to go for a walk, a bike ride, or come over for dinner. You could invite them to go out for breakfast/lunch, go to the movies, or out for dessert. Invite them to come over for the holidays, when they may feel the most lonely. This will give them opportunities to talk to someone and maybe they will share things that they need help with.
7) Share a memory—either on paper or in person. Sometimes we never know how we touch another person’s life. Hearing how the person we just lost has touched another person, can bring joy, peace and healing.
8) Be creative—We all have talents that can be shared during this grieving process. My musical neighbors have been known to go play their musical instruments for a family that has lost someone. When I was about 10 years old my family lost our infant brother. We had many acts of service during this time, I am sure each of the above ideas were shown to my family. The one that touched my heart was the artist who painted a happy winter scene on our window. We kept that painting up long into the summer because it brought us joy in a time of sadness. Use your talents to bless someone during their time of heartache.
Death is such a difficult time, where we must learn to live and adjust our lives without that person. Everyone is different in how they respond to death and being there for them will help in the healing process. Recognize how hard it is for them and give them time.
Let's serve.
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